Stream of Consciousness: Bus and Feelings

I'm sitting on the bus surrounded by strangers and my mind is all over the place. generally, though it''s on you. to quote The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, and Darcy, specifically, "I was in the middle before i knew it had begun". it really sums up the way i feel about this whole situation. it hadn't been until i said it out loud that i really knew i meant it. I like you. Who is 'you'? The internet doesn't know, hell, I don't even know. I know your name, I know what you look like, and I know what your voice sounds like. But I don't know you. and that scares me a little. I don't know how to strike up a conversation with you. fuck, i'm not even good at this 'boy' thing. I'm so lost with it all. but maybe that's okay. 

(i did this on the bus last night and it felt so good to just get this off my chest)

getting to know you

i dont know how to dress
the idea of you makes me nervous
sitting beside me
and i barely know your name

laughing, joking, conversing
getting to know you
slightly

(its about a boy at school. and i wrote this right before class the other day)

in my dreams

I try to rub the sleepiness from my eyes

They still droop

Coffee would only make things worse

I’d stay up too late

And I wouldn’t be able to just sit in bed

With only you on my mind

And maybe this way

You’ll actually stay in my dreams

(i literally wrote this in 5 minutes because just needed to shove something out)

Scoop Me Up

I wish we fell asleep.

The lights had been turned out

But our paranoia of being seen laying on the couch

Prevented us from doing so.

My self deprecation is lessened by your laughter

until I remember I’m not photogenic and I feel

like I should’ve smashed your phone for that picture

I still wanted you to scoop me up, however.

Naturally, I assumed I’d live through.

I deserved to know one thing: ‘did you know.’

Looking up at the stars hoping that the shattered trust

wont be outweighed by the chemistry I believe we have.

The forgiveness I want, isn’t going to happen, is it?

This goddamn circumstance.

I’m convinced she is jealous,

but I must contemplate the truth.

assignment: come up with a constraint, create a poem. 

my constraint: pick 5 songs, take 5 words from each song, and incorporate those words into the poem

i used words from the songs on Julia Nunes' I Think You Know EP

Inside

Sometimes I hate this

bottling up my feelings

keeping them inside

I pretend to be happy

showing the world I can handle

what it has thrown my way

Inside, my brain stews

thinking things over

more than is necessary

Tears welling, I run,

my bed and room provide the

comfort I need to express my feelings